What do you do for fun? Unless you're asking a painter, a poet, a singer a dancer or the odd entrepreneur, most people's work is not what brings them the most fun. However, you could modify this to "I'm curious, WHEN do you think you grew up?" Where did you grow up? This question reminds me of the usefulness of the pre-fix "I'm curious." Essentially, this is asking a stranger to share their life story in as much or little detail as they're willing. Sometimes, with the perspective of hindsight, the most difficult events offer the most growth and learning So, losing my job or suffering an illness could end up having been the best thing that happened all year. What’s the best thing that happened to you this year? A wonderful, fresh, open-ended question, similar in some ways to the previous one, but instead of this being about anticipated joy, this question elicits remembered chapters. And if they say they are not looking forward to anything, you may want to take this as a cue to move on. Finding out about someone's anticipated joy is a wonderful way to get to know them better. What are you looking forward to? Having things to look forward is what brings us joy in life See the article I wrote about the pleasure of planning for Forbes Whether it's a planned vacation, something in your work-life or a personal milestone you choose to share in itself speaks volumes. You can share your excitement about your upcoming vacation, your boat, your son's dance competition or your daughter's soccer game Or you can talk about a book you're reading or a profound experience you just had. What excites you right now? I love this question because the answer can be as intimate as you want to make it. "Research findings from the world of network science and psychology suggests that we tend to prefer and seek out relationships where there is more than one context for connecting with the other person." And that, says the Harvard Business Review, is the whole point. Who knows, instead of simply adding a connection, you may actually make a new friend.
So, next time you're at a social function or networking event and you feel bored by small-talk but fearful of asking profound questions, you can dive right in, backed up by the knowledge that, far from being inappropriately nosy, you're on the quest of making multiplex ties.
Sociologists refer to these connections where there is an overlap of roles or affiliations from a different social context as multiplex ties. They've also written up their findings on how colleagues get on better, enjoy work more, and stay connected for longer if they share common experiences outside of work. Helpfully, the Harvard Business Review has now published 8 great questions to ask at any kind of networking event.
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